How can it be that a leadership strength that is admired by others can, when overdone,  be our greatest weakness?

As I reflect on my time learning the ropes as a leader, I realise that I was very much a micro-manager. In my world at that time micro-managing had not even been invented! All I saw was me doing a job to the best of my ability. When I eventually came across the expression, I saw it linked with the label  ‘control freak’.  The standard ‘cure’ that was given for this ‘condition’ was to delegate more, to learn a new way of managing. I did learn to delegate more but never completely got over the tendency to hold on to control. I couldn’t just trust that things often work out much better when we allow others to make their own choices and inevitable mistakes.

So, while I tried to address the problem, I never took the time to consider there might be a deeper, more satisfying reason for why I, like many other leaders and managers, tend towards micro-managing. At a recent peer-to-peer coaching session, a participant asked a simple question that opened up for me, and all of us there, a possible root cause.

Micro-managing: an effect not a cause

At this particular forum, a CEO was describing her experience of stress and overwork due to her tendency to micro-manage, her label not mine. As I listened to her story and to her peers asking her questions, I perceived that she was highly competent, very reflective and self-aware and I understood why she was so successful. Nevertheless, she was stressed out, working long hours, and suffering from imposter syndrome.

That light bulb moment

After she’d presented her micro-managing challenge, she stepped out and listened to her peers – her coaches – discussing the case. Then came the million-dollar question: one of them wondered whether she liked helping others. She smiled broadly at this and continued to write notes. When the discussion was over and she rejoined the group to give her feedback she said that the one question or observation that had resonated with her most was the helping one. She explained that she had never linked this positive aspect of her leadership to her tendency to micro-manage. She now realised that her great strength (the urge to help people) was equally her greatest weakness. She was excited at the prospect that this new insight into her leadership would allow her to only get involved where the person needed – and also requested – help.

Linking negative outcomes to positive intent

It was both the question (about liking to help) and the CEO’s reaction that resonated with me. In all my years of leading companies and then coaching and facilitating other leaders I had never made the link between micro-managing and helping. It also threw light on a theory I had never fully grasped, which is that all so-called negative behaviours have a positive intent if you dig deep enough, otherwise, we humans would not engage in the behaviour.

This revelation has made it much easier for me to reduce my tendency to micro-manage the participants of the groups I facilitate.

Our CEO reported back at a follow-up meeting that she is becoming more aware of her tendency to jump in to help. Now, when she’s tempted to micro-manage, she asks herself the question ‘Will this person benefit more from my advice, from me asking a question or from me ignoring the situation and trusting the individual to figure out their own answer?’  She chooses one option based on her evaluation of the situation and the other person’s experience rather than having a one-size-fits-all response – to roll up her sleeves and get stuck in.

While this aspect of her journey is at an early stage, she is already noticing that she is more relaxed and less stressed. She is also thrilled to see that her team members have become more empowered and seem to be enjoying their individual roles more as a result of her ‘helping’ less.

Can you identify a positive intent behind a negative label you’re applying to yourself?

How do you cope with your impulse to overuse a strength you have? To come at it the other way can you identify a leadership weakness as a strength you overuse?