What do you do when a key employee sucks the energy out of a meeting with their negativity?

This challenge came up at a recent Peer-to-Peer Leadership Coaching Forum.  The ‘neg’ being discussed is a member of the senior leadership team of one of the participants. The participant explained that the individual is a vital member because of his loyalty, commitment and skills, but he continuously sees the glass totally empty.

Everyone knows one

The interest in this topic was palpable in the room. It soon transpired that all the other forum members had someone in their organisation or family who matched this person’s pessimistic outlook on life. Because we were all interested in the challenge, it became the first case study we dealt with.

The presenter told us how this guy was single-handedly demotivating the management team and his own departmental team. His negativity was especially difficult to deal with as the company was performing well, with double-digit growth every year for the past six years. You can imagine his frustration!

The presenter told us he had tried to help the person. He had had a number of individual meetings as well as regular appraisal sessions in which he pointed out the positive contribution this person was making to the company’s success but also how his extreme negativity was affecting others around him. He reiterated how well the company was performing. All to no avail.

Having asked the presenter lots of questions to get a deeper insight into the problem, his peers then shared their understanding of what they heard and observed. It’s a tried and tested process I have evolved over the years of facilitating these sessions.

I’ve summarised their insights and the learning that emerged.

• Don’t shut down negativity. The real challenge is our reaction to negativity, not the negativity itself. Our reactions may signal an aspect of our negativity we have not come to terms with.
• We cannot impose a positive culture. Trying to have only positive discussions and ignoring what is termed negativity will have the effect of sabotaging the open and supportive culture we want to promote.
• You will promote trust by allowing people to be themselves. People bring all of themselves to work.
• Negativity is often another name for emotional pain. Empathy, deep listening and understanding can help the person get in touch with their pain.
• Work with the picture in the other person’s head. Don’t try to solve the problem for them. Sometimes they just want to be listened to and understood. This will often help them gain a new understanding which will enable them to come up with their own solutions.
• Don’t judge yourself for not knowing how to deal with it, as it is one of the most difficult aspects of being a leader and a human being, because negativity can feel very toxic.
• Sometimes the person may need to hear from the full group the effect their negativity has on the team.
• Achieving the balance between having empathy for the person while also pursuing your and the business’s needs.
• If the negativity persists despite all of the above approaches, the person may need some professional help as extreme and lasting negativity can signal depression.
• Finally, the person may be in the wrong job and may need help to move on to something that will make better use of their innate skills and talents.

At this point, I want to come back to something I wrote earlier: He outlined how he had tried to help the negative person. I repeat that because it’s interesting that ‘helping’ the person ‘correct’ his outlook was the stance our leader took. How often we assume without question that it is the other person who must change to make everything right. I love how the wisdom of the coaches brought out the importance of starting with ourselves.

The man who brought us the case study has since reported that the situation is becoming more manageable, largely because he has changed how he perceives the negative manager. Ultimately, that is the only thing we have control over – ourselves. He is using a combination of practical support, lots of empathy and regular honest feedback to help himself and the negative guy.

How do you handle your own and others’ tendencies towards negativity or mood swings? What new experiments could you try as a result of these insights?