Even though leaders seem to be on average better at problem-solving, there are times when the sheer unknowable nature of the future can knock us completely off kilter.

I found myself empathising with a client who, at a peer-to-peer coaching forum a while back, said he felt a high level of frustration and confusion in the face of the many business challenges that were confronting him. These particular challenges appeared unsolvable due to our leader having no control over any or some of the factors. He was really struggling with this.

I reflected on my own journey to understand where this empathy was coming from. I realised that for much of my adult life, I have sought clarity and certainty about how things would pan out. I did not like surprises, especially those that knocked me out of my comfort zone. In short, I liked to know what the future would bring.

I saw curved balls as annoyances that greatly upset my best-laid plans. More than that, when they were served at me, the resulting negative emotions prevented me from finding the creative solutions that a more positive and open mind would have been able to address. Instead of seeing the problem as a potential opportunity to change direction or learn new ways of leading my life, I became anxious, frustrated and annoyed, often blaming others for causing the problem. I very rarely stopped to consider the possibility that this was a gift waiting to be unwrapped.

Life-long lessons

So, what changed?  I believe it was a combination of age and the many wise teachers I was lucky to attract. I now realise that none of us knows what the future will bring. The one thing we can be certain about is that it will be different from the present. I have learnt that we are not in charge of the challenges or circumstances that life will throw at us. If we were, we’d be tempted to shield ourselves from any adversity. I realise now that without the anxiety, sometimes bordering on depression, I experienced, I would not have gained the wisdom I now have. Don’t get me wrong, I still dip into the frustrated mode; however, I now notice that this lasts for shorter and shorter periods. I am smiling as I write this blog, because I experienced this frustration in relation to the lack of inspiration I was feeling this morning, as I desperately searched for a topic for this overdue article.

Unpacking the gift

So back to the forum member who brought up the topic. As a result of teasing out the various issues he was encountering and his lack of clear-cut answers, his peers helped him and themselves come up with the following insights into both his and their own leadership evolution:

• Stop over-analysing the issue. Get out of your head and check how you feel about the situation. Your feelings will bring you to your intuition as well as help you get grounded.
• Reflect on all the times you had similar challenges and how you were able to turn them around so the situation led to new learnings or a more positive change of direction.
• Every challenge can be overcome. Even better, every challenge can make your life better than before, provided you don’t panic and go for the quick fix.
• Everything happens for a reason. What’s happening is not a punishment for something you did or didn’t do. If you live by the philosophy that ‘What’s for you won’t pass you by’ – whether it is true or not – then you are more likely to be in a more positive and creative frame of mind.
• Who is the new you that is trying to emerge and how do the challenges you encounter lead you to continuously fine-tune this new you?
• As well as slowing down and getting in touch with how you feel, it can sometimes help to just do something small about the challenge. In my case today it was to write the first few words of what went on to become this blog.
• By developing your listening and leadership coaching skills to help your direct reports, you will in turn become your own coach and trusted advisor. I learn from every peer coaching forum I facilitate because everyone I encounter is my teacher and wise guide.
• Finally, share your issues with a few trusted peers. It is amazing how getting objective input on your thinking – as opposed to advice – can give you a much more nuanced approach to solving the issue than what we often do on our own, which is to jump to conclusions. This brings me to my final learning for myself: ‘None of us is as wise as all of us’.

What strategies best serve you as you encounter life’s challenges? And what wisdom or philosophy have you developed that can help you help others around you?