Could you be grateful for life’s difficulties?
Having a clear vision and stretch goals are accepted as prerequisites for business success. What do you do when these things no longer motivate or energise you, when in fact you feel drained by them?

For much of my life, I believed in the accepted power of goal setting. However, there came a point in my leadership evolution when goal setting no longer motivated me. I realised that driving myself to always achieve more just made me frustrated by my slow progress. On top of that, I realised that because I had been so consumed with achieving what I wanted, life was passing me by; I was on a treadmill. At times I felt like the proverbial rabbit caught in the headlights, stunned by the pressure the vision and goals were putting me under. I also had to contend with the finger-wagging of the inner critic. It was not a great place to be. I thought I was the only one who felt like this until…

No let-up

At a forum late last year a new member put an issue up on the board for the group to coach him on. He told us how his successful business had just about survived the 2008 recession. By 2017/18, through hard work, he had got the business back to where it had been. His next challenge was to future proof it; however, between Covid-19 and the difficulty of recruiting good people, he felt far from secure for the future. He felt he was in an ongoing rat race and was just not able to relax. He doubted he would ever experience the security and success enjoyed by the business leaders he admired, or imagined they enjoyed.

Reframing how we feel when things don’t work

His peers discussed his case while he sat back and listened. Their feedback brought out two aspects of life that he had never appreciated. The first was that he had never realised other people had much the same feelings about success as he had. Hearing his peers talk about their experiences made him see that he was not alone in his struggles. Secondly, their feedback made him see that he never took the time to experience gratitude for all he had in life as well as what he had achieved. It was a profound moment.

As I and the others took our own insights from this leader’s case-study, we realised that we need to feel gratitude when things don’t work out the way we envisage, and that our best learning usually comes from the times things don’t work out. However, in our frustration and disappointment, we forget to sit with the potential lessons and wisdom we gain from our so-called negative experiences.

How new insights bring new gifts

Twelve months after presenting his case study, the participant reported back. He said that while he still gets caught up in the need to achieve, he has started to notice himself feeling less driven, less anxious and more relaxed. He feels he is achieving more by doing less. He also said that despite the challenges last year of inflation and higher costs, his business is actually doing better. He has started to feel gratitude for his previous anxiety and frustration as without that experience he would not have gained the insights and wisdom he now has.

What is your best coping mechanism when dealing with the disappointments and stress you experience in life and what role does gratitude play in how you deal with the challenges life inevitably throws at you?