Why do we as leaders feel we have to be all over everything? Is it an innate drive, or something that has been reinforced throughout our careers? Then one day we wake up and think, how did I end up being General Manager of the Universe?

Soon after I started working I found the best way to get rewarded was to take responsibility for each job I was given and to go the extra mile to help others. This led to promotion and I realised it became a foundation stone of my success in business. I was never proved wrong with this core value, despite some stumbles along the way. I never questioned that belief, and it was usually reinforced at the leadership development programmes I participated in. That is until I started doing the online forums last May/June when the topic of responsibility started to emerge as an issue instead of the solution to challenges.

The other side of the coin

During one particular session, the ‘problem’ of responsibility became the central theme of most participants’ case studies. So the group decided to delve deeper into the issue and asked one of the participants, Michael, to present his version of the challenge. He told us that he has developed a very successful business over the past 15 years. He has a loyal client base and his customers love the way his company looks after them. He also has very loyal employees. His motto is to look after your people, whether that is family, employees, customers or suppliers, and they will look after you.

However, recently he has begun to realise he is working longer and longer hours. Initially, he put this down to the business growth. However, despite having developed an excellent structure, promoted and recruited good people, the level of stress and pressure did not decrease; in fact it increased. The extra workload was impinging on his ability to relax and enjoy life.

Embracing the need to zoom out

He said that hearing another participant talk about his desire to ‘Zoom out’ from taking too much responsibility resonated with him and prompted him to present the challenge. During the subsequent interactions with the other participants, Michael reflected that his success had come from taking responsibility for other people’s problems which included his employees’, customers’ and suppliers’.

However, he now believed he had reached both the limit of his time and his emotional capacity to give any more.

Changing the bathwater

He realised from the feedback he got from the other participants (his team of peer coaches, as we like to call them in Essence of Leadership) that there was a way to serve his own needs and those of the business and other stakeholders. He just needed to change the bathwater. Down the plughole goes the negative side of taking responsibility which is taking sole responsibility for the results and the outcomes, and he refills the tub with new water – a new environment – that helps people become participants rather than just employees. His new responsibility is to develop himself as a coach.

The following are some of the insights and perspectives Michael and the other members of the group away took away from the session that day:

· When you are too engaged operationally you don’t always see the big picture or the trends – positive and negative – that are emerging.

· If you are too emotionally attached to making sure the job gets done to your satisfaction, you can fail to notice the untapped resources others have that are often different to yours.

· Others are entitled to make mistakes to create their own learning; this is how most leaders learn.

· People are often more resilient than you give them credit for and most have the capacity to take additional responsibility.

· You can facilitate others’ learning by creating the conditions for them to experiment with new approaches. This is best done when there is a no blame and a transparent culture.

· Practice asking more questions to help the other person better understand what they are trying to achieve.

· Be easy on yourself as you move to a more facilitative and coaching role. You are now like your team in that you are learning a new way of being responsible.

· See the other person or people – your team – as your teachers. They have acquired wisdom from their journey that you might also benefit from. This means you become more of a collaborator rather than a leader.

I was very pleased to see that last point emerge because it encapsulates what peer to peer coaching is!

At our last session Michael was asked how things had worked out since the session back in June. He very enthusiastically outlined that the responsibility taken on by his team is enabling him develop a new business that he is now enjoying much more than he did the existing business. He is bringing all the learning from the ‘mistakes’ he made in building the original business – trying to do everything. He reported his biggest learning is that employees are much more motivated when they are given extra responsibility and control for their decision making. He said he now realises that when you over protect people they then become cogs in the wheel rather than real participants in the success of the business.

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