In our desire to retain people, we may over- look poor performance in the belief that it is better to keep the peace rather than confront a colleague.

This is a perennial theme in all ten of our peer-to-peer leadership coaching forums. However, from time to time, one of the leaders in a forum group will recount a personal breakthrough in their leadership style that inspires the rest of us to challenge our belief that it is difficult to change a colleague’s behaviour.

Late last year, a senior leader at a mid-to-large-sized company, responsible for culture and safety, outlined his experience to his fellow forum participants of navigating a confronting situation. In the belief that if you have the right calibre of leader, you will more easily attract and retain good employees, he had initiated regular check-ins with all staff and new managers in particular to ensure continuous development and retention of talent as the company rapidly expanded.

He recounted a pivotal moment when a dominant colleague pressured him to remove a new manager he had helped recruit due to perceived underperformance. Upon reviewing performance appraisals, he discovered that his colleague had consistently given positive feedback. It seemed apparent to him that the senior manager had not taken responsibility for the development of the new manager yet expected our friend to step in and do the dirty work.

Going toe-to-toe

Armed with the performance review information, he arranged a private meeting with his colleague.

This was an experienced leader, and our friend was only just stepping into his new, more assertive mode; he was not looking forward to the meeting. Yet he prepared meticulously for it and drummed into his head the importance of not getting emotionally attached to the outcome. It paid off: although she reacted defensively, he remained focused on the facts rather than assigning blame. By taking a respectful yet assertive stance, he emphasised her responsibility to address the issue. Surprisingly, the meeting concluded positively, with him standing firm in a way he hadn’t been able to in the past.

This experience reinforced for him the importance of confidence, preparation, and a focus on accountability in leadership discussions.

His peers reflected on the lessons and insights for all of us as follows.

• When there is any cultural issue, we need to reflect on how our own leadership approach contributes to the issue. In this case, he had facilitated his colleague’s expectations that she didn’t need to be vigilant when it came to this employee, as she had come to expect that the issue would be sorted for her, as had been done in the past.
• The best way to help someone else change is to change your approach. By taking responsibility for his own behaviour and changing his approach, he facilitated his colleague to change her behaviour.
• Conflict is rarely an issue when you stick to the facts; don’t blame or put down the other person and, most importantly, accept your role in creating the issue.
• The short-term pain of having to do something outside your comfort zone will lead to much better long-term benefits.

He then reflected about how that one incident has been a catalyst for cultural change within the management team. Since that episode, he said, the team have agreed a mutually beneficial list of values or behaviours, which they regularly debate and reflect on. These include having more honest and open conversations on what they need from each other to enable each of them to better fulfil their responsibilities. He said he has also become aware that this culture is gradually cascading throughout the rest of the organisation. And that, strangely enough, the conflict has led to a better relationship between himself and the colleague with whom he had the conflict.

In conclusion, his peers emphasised that meaningful change must begin with leadership at the top of the organisation. When facing challenges with someone’s behaviour, it’s crucial to reflect on how our own actions may inadvertently enable that behaviour.

Also, he said he has not abandoned what he perceived as his strength, that of being there to help others out when they request help or input into decisions they might struggle with.  

What strategies do you employ to help colleagues change behaviour that doesn’t suit aspects of the culture you are working to improve