I was recently given the gift of seeing my great passion for leading in a new light. In short, it is this: there is more to life than the projects you are leading.

Life is not necessarily a walk in the park for leaders. Looking from the outside, many people who don’t consider themselves leaders admire us. They assume we travel through life more easily than they do, gifted as we are with great wisdom or determination. My own leadership journey and my work with leaders reveals this to be a false perception. Leaders are prone to feeling overwhelmed by the pressures and stresses in their work and home lives just like everyone else. They may even suffer more from this because their passion for that leadership role drives them to take on more responsibility and reach for bigger goals. They are wont to forget some of their own needs in pursuit of these goals.

This topic of overwhelm came up at a recent peer-to-peer leadership coaching forum. As is often the case, it was in fact a theme that day, with several participants describing feeling stressed because of the pressure they felt to deliver in their business and personal lives. After listening to one of the members present his version of this challenge, a participant made an observation that cast an element of leadership, usually seen as a plus, in a whole new light.

He simply observed that many of us, including himself, can become ‘a hostage to the role’.

This really struck a chord with me and many of the other participants. To speak for myself, I had never perceived my passion for what I do as a controlling force, or something I gave up my freedom to. Indeed, I always prided myself on my passion and commitment and only ever saw them as positive forces. And yet, when I look back on my life, I see bouts of emotional pain, stress, even burnout. Was I hostage to my role of leader?

Equal and opposite

If I listen to my own philosophy, it will tell me that with every force there is an equal and opposite force, so I shouldn’t be surprised by this revelation. I have written here before about understanding that one’s greatest strength can also be one’s greatest weakness. I had just never contemplated that the drive and commitment that leaders tend to have could be the source of their problems.

The power of words

What really emerged for me from this forum session is the power of words, especially when those words reframe what you and others perceive as your strength. Seeing things from a different angle always delivers an opportunity for learning and development. Here are some of the observations and learning we expressed at the end of that forum.

• Celebrate your passion and be aware of the benefit your commitment to a cause brings to other people’s lives and society in general. This awareness will work as an antidote to the feelings of stress and overwhelm
• Develop ways to chill out and take short breaks. Spend time in nature or do other activities not related to your passion. I now try to take a five-to-ten-minute break every hour to switch off
• Do not beat yourself up over your lack of balance as this only adds to your stress
• Life is not static; there is no perfect template for leadership despite what the so-called gurus say; and the ultimate goal is ongoing self-awareness because it provides an opportunity to grow
• Celebrate your new self-awareness and realise that every day we are evolving into a new version of ourselves, as is everybody else

When I look back on my life, I see that my passion for leadership led me to take on extra responsibility, which led to burnout in my fifties.  But I also see that my current wisdom comes from not having been aware at that time of my tendency to overuse my strengths. Today, I am better able to balance my own personal needs with those of the business but I would not be the leader I am without having lived out these commitments subconsciously during the earlier part of my life.

Does this reframing of leadership traits resonate with you, and how might you counter-balance your drive and passion to realise a less stressful existence, and better appreciate your commitment to a cause?